Sometimes I feel like the walls are closing in around me and nothing I do can stop them. It’s a scary feeling. It’s been a hard few months. I feel like I am sad all the time and I am so sick of being sad I could scream! But just when it feels like maybe it’s getting better life comes along and knocks me on my ass again. All I want to do is curl up in bed, sleep and cry. But of course I can’t do that. I don’t have time to fall apart. God knows I can’t allow myself to actually cry because if I do then I fear I won’t be able to stop. That being the case…My solution? Have a glass of wine and BREATHE. Because that’s about all I can do right now. That, and pray things work out ok in the end. What’s that saying I used to love? “Everything will be ok in the end, because if it’s not ok, then it’s not the end.” Seems a bit far fetched right about now. I think I am leaning more towards the saying, “How will it end? I don’t know. It’s a mystery.” Only this time I am banking on the mystery unraveling soon because if it doesn’t I don’t know how much more I can take. I don’t think there is enough wine in the world to keep me going like this forever. I long for the simpler times. The times when all you had to worry about was if there was going to be another snow day or not. Not even bothering to think far enough ahead to realize that if there is another one it cuts into your summer vacation. That didn’t matter. You just lived for now. I miss that. But if I lived for my now then I would go ahead and allow myself to cry while I drank wine and went to sleep for a year. What do you do when you have done everything you know of to do and it’s still not working???